A hick town is one in which there is no place to go where you shouldn't be.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

Imagine what it would be like if TV actually was good. It would be the end of everything we know.

Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil, and you'll never be a television anchorman.


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