America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere, but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

With Congress, everytime they make a joke it's a law, and everytime they make a law it's a joke.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Everything is funny, as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Congressional investigations are for the benefit of photographers.

Antoine de Rivarol

It is an immense advantage to have done nothing, but one should not abuse it.

Character is made by what you stand for, reputation by what you fall for.

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.

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