Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes: whack, dang! A bad skydiver goes: dang! whack.

Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Quattro sinko.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Right where you left him.

You are 87 percent water. The other 13 percent keeps you from drowning.

Bette Midler

All these new girls are so trashy... and do I get a thank-you note?

We have genuflected before the god of science only to find that it has given us the atomic bomb, producing fears and anxieties that science can never mitigate.

As the horsepower of modern automobiles steadily rises, the congestion of traffic steadily lowers the average speed of your car. This is known as Progress.

What's the average man's life but a succession of cars? When he dies, we should carve on his tombstone simply the makes and years.

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