Most of the current literary and arts magazines are written by the self-indulgent or pretentious.

Alexander Graham Bell

America is a country of inventors, and the greatest inventors of all are the newspaper men.

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy you don't need it, and if you are sick you shouldn't take it.

There's no way anyone is going to take you seriously if you're on a TV show.

Exercise is like a cold bath. You think it does you good because you feel better when you stop it.

Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists.

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs.

Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Chancey Depew

I get my exercise acting as a pall-bearer to my friends who exercise.

Kinky Friedman

No one has ever actually called a cat. They come when they wish.

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