The 85 cent dinner tasted like a discarded mail bag and was served to me by a waiter who looked as if he would slug me for a quarter, cut my throat for six-bits, and bury me in a barrel of concrete for a dollar-and-a-half plus sales tax.
Some of the most dreadful mischiefs that afflict mankind proceed from wine; it is the cause of disease, quarrels, sedition, idleness, aversion to labor, and every species of domestic disorder.
Watching baseball is like going to a lecture by a member of the Slow... Talkers... Of... America. It's like turning on the TV when the cable is out. It's like watching grass -- no, Astroturf -- grow.
He dances like a drunk killing cockroaches.
What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.
Drinks flowed like cement...
The game is too long, the season is too long, and the players are too long.
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.